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Literature Text
life
only lets you
go forward
(and sometimes that’s hard
to do)
but on paper
you can go anywhere
be anyone
do anything
(and that’s not hard
at all.)
Literature
apostasy
before he led me like a lamb
to the altar,
he got me drunk.
take this and eat, he said,
hands on my hipbones,
soft thighs, soft sigh
for this is my body -
but he gave me no bread, only
bruises, and he gave me
new thorns for my head
and i bled
till sunday morning.
tell me:
who speaks of resurrection?
are you there,
mary magdalene?
mary, when
will easter come?
Literature
Mastering Me
In another universe,
I have green eyes, curly hair,
and paint smeared across all my fingers--
a war cry of artistry
instead of needlepoint scars.
The pooch of my belly
and the lumps in my thighs
might be from anything else
but the insulin I inject four times a day.
I grow up a child, not a parent,
the master of my destiny
not running away but running toward;
I'm a little bit taller
in spirit and stature,
in all the ways that matter
when darkness creeps under the door
and phantoms howl.
I shave my legs every day
instead of once every month
once every three months
once every only now and again when I feel like it
and I'm confident--
a godde
Literature
.
with blood in her eyes and
tears in her hands, with
dirt on her knees and
scars on her neck,
she'll hold in-
security near
to her heart
and slow-
ly fall
alseep.
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This is for the lovely group Mental Health's A Candle in the Darkness competition! Read the journal for more information: aeirmid.deviantart.com/journal…
I suffer from depression and I am suicidal. It's worst when I am in social situations, because I feel as if I am constantly being judged and found wanting for my clothes, habits, and words. There are some days when I can hardly lift my head. But on paper, whether writing or drawing, I find that I don't have to worry about people making fun of me at all--I can
"go anywhere
be anyone
do anything"
and it makes me feel so free.
Please feel free to comment and critique! Questions:
Is the tone too casual for the subject matter?
Is the first part's line breaks weird?
Thanks especially to
for her wonderfully helpful feedback! Go check out her amazing gallery sometime.
For tWR, a critique: comments.deviantart.com/1/4698…
I suffer from depression and I am suicidal. It's worst when I am in social situations, because I feel as if I am constantly being judged and found wanting for my clothes, habits, and words. There are some days when I can hardly lift my head. But on paper, whether writing or drawing, I find that I don't have to worry about people making fun of me at all--I can
"go anywhere
be anyone
do anything"
and it makes me feel so free.
Please feel free to comment and critique! Questions:
Is the tone too casual for the subject matter?
Is the first part's line breaks weird?
Thanks especially to
for her wonderfully helpful feedback! Go check out her amazing gallery sometime.For tWR, a critique: comments.deviantart.com/1/4698…
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Comments14
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I like what you did here. It's very simple.
To answer your first question, I don't think the tone is too casual. In fact, I think it would be nice if you could make it sound lighter, as if you could dance through this situation because you know you can be free while you write.
As for the second question, I didn't notice anything particularly strange about the line breaks.
I would have liked to see a little more metaphorical language though. I have some neat tips to help with that. I'll save them for now, but if you like, I can explain them.
I think the incorporation of metaphor would enhance your poem and make its message more impactful.
To answer your first question, I don't think the tone is too casual. In fact, I think it would be nice if you could make it sound lighter, as if you could dance through this situation because you know you can be free while you write.
As for the second question, I didn't notice anything particularly strange about the line breaks.
I would have liked to see a little more metaphorical language though. I have some neat tips to help with that. I'll save them for now, but if you like, I can explain them.
I think the incorporation of metaphor would enhance your poem and make its message more impactful.